From a psychologist and parent
Donald F. Walker, PhD
Yesterday, the local news reported that a girl at Grassfield High School was caught and arrested after bringing a gun to school. Thank God for the student who saw the gun and spoke up, and for the staff member who listened, and followed through. If not for them, yesterday could have been a tragedy. https://www.wtkr.com/news/in-the-community/chesapeake/chesapeake-high-school-student-arrested-after-administrators-say-they-found-a-loaded-gun-on-her.
As a therapist, I’ve worked with teens and preteens who have been referred because they’ve made implied or explicit threats to hurt other people at school. As a clinical psychologist and a parent, I want to talk directly to a student of any age who might be thinking about bringing a gun or another weapon to school.
If you’re that person, you’re probably going through a lot. A letter like this isn’t going to solve everything that’s going on. That’s not the point of this letter. Complicated problems need complex solutions. This letter and these ideas won’t fix everything going on. Fixing real problems requires time and hard work. But I have ideas for where to start. Before you hurt yourself or someone else, please read this.
- Please know that You Are Not Alone. Whatever you’re going through, it might feel that way, but it’s not true. Most people have a friend or a family member: a Mom, a Dad, a sister or brother, an Aunt or Uncle, a Grandma or Grandpa, or another adult, a youth group leader, a teacher, a coach, a mentor, a pastor, or even another friends’ parent, who loves them. Whatever you’re going through, before you hurt other people or yourself, please give that person a chance to hug you, listen to you, sit with you, and help you.
- If you don’t feel like you can talk to a friend or family member, don’t be afraid to talk to a mental health professional. If you need immediate help, you can always call the National Suicide and Crisis hotline number 988. Someone is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
- Don’t be afraid to keep talking to a mental health professional. To be enrolled in therapy, your parents need to enroll you. Many therapists offer free consultations. You and your parents can call and get some information before choosing a therapist. If your parents have insurance, they can always look up mental health providers on their insurance website or by calling their insurance carrier.
- Get help resolving conflicts. In my therapy experience, I’ve seen teens threaten other people when they feel provoked or threatened. Talk with your parents, and, if you’re in therapy, your therapist, about how to recognize and resolve threats vs conflicts. There is a difference between other people irritating you at school vs other people threatening you at school. You should get help immediately and tell your parents and school staff anytime someone threatens you. If other people are irritating you but not threatening you with physical or other harm, it’s a normal part of life to learn to work things out or choose to avoid the other person.
- Get help if you’re depressed. Some signs of depression are easy to recognize if someone is feeling depressed or down. But, irritability, trouble focusing, being less interested in things you usually like to do, eating more or less than usual, getting down on yourself, and sleeping more or less than usual are also symptoms of depression. When people feel depressed, everything feels worse than it usually really is. Evidence based therapies have been proven to help. https://teleiosbehavioralhealth.com/depression-treatment/
- Before you hurt yourself or someone else, don’t stop seeking help. Start with a friend or family member, and if you need professional help, call the 988 National suicide and crisis hotline, then ask your parents to help you find a therapist. Keep coming to therapy. If the first therapist that you work with isn’t a good fit, ask for a referral or have your parents find you another one. But whatever else, keep asking for and getting help before you hurt yourself or someone else. Remember, You Are Not Alone.